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I am not sure what is happening.. When I think about life too long I get a little scared, but immediately I feel a great sense of peace. I know you may think I am a little crazy, but really I do. I'll tell you about that later. This past year has been a true test of my faith. See a lot of things happened that should have taken me down, but the most horrible one of all was that I lost my nephew because of lies from the devil. He killed himself and left a trail of destruction behind. I am writing this for anyone who even thinks about taking their life. There is much more to it than you even imagine. The truth about suicide! First, it does not hurt the one who took their life, their gone, it hurts all that are left behind. It is a ripple affect. Secondly, it is a selfish act with no regaurd to your mother, father, children, family and friends. I know that sounds harsh but it is the truth. Maybe things are a little to fresh for me right now, but I feel like I needed to say that. It has been a few months now and people are still hurting, feeling guilty, feeling angry, families are broken, marriages are affected, friendships are changed, children are feeling lost... it goes on and on. As soon as you slow down and allow your mind to wonder, you start that crazy old though pattern again. Why Mark? Why... I see your face and my eyebrows scrunch because I just cannot imagine you leaving this earth the way you did. I try to think about what you were thinking in the moment of you sadness. I will have to be honest with you, I was mad, mad as hell, and mad still. Sometimes I cry out and sometimes I stomp and yell. There are days when I come home and no one is there and I want to rake everything off the table just to hear it hit the floor and crash. Crazy huh! I want to hold you Mark and tell you all about Jesus, but I can't now. I can't, I can't I can't.... I just talk with someone who has a brother who tried the same thing last week and I told her that she is blessed to have a second chance. We don't have that! I'm sorry Mark.. I am so sorry.. I am so hurting down in side because I have the cure and did not persue you enough that you would come to me when you were hurting. I have the cure..... .....and did not use it. What a hard lesson to learn and beleive it or not I still have not learned it well enough. What does it take? How much will it take? How long will it take?I can't think now.. my mind is racing..
K
