New Chapter

Well it seems it has been a long time ... I really have been through a roller coaster of stuff in my life .. But God is till God and I am not.

Give Me The Strength To Climb

Well it has been a long time since I blogged, but here I am. I really thought that life could only get better, but things are still hitting me. Things are still falling in front of me. Things are still moving in my path to distract me from God's purpose in my life. Small things, big things, even the most subtle things. A friend told me, don't take your eye's off of Christ for not even one second. Sometime I think if I do, I will fall apart. I watch my sister walk her faith out right now, with all she it going through, a child who has died, a husband who has left her for another women (at the most lonely time of her life), a world that is only getting worse around her, but she constantly tells me that she has not lost her faith in God. She says she will finish the race to see Jesus and to be with her son. We say we know we are not promised a tomorrow, and we say we know this and that we live as if we know this, but do we really? If I did, would I not run to each un-saved person and desperately tell them about Jesus. Just like the women at the well. She went back and told everyone about Christ and who He was... I want to be like that! I want to be bold and courageous for Christ. Help me Lord! I watch my sister and I know she will make it, but I also know I could not walk in her shoes right now. I don't think I am strong enough to endure what she is going through. Maybe I am supposed to lean from her. Maybe I am supposed to watch, listen and learn. I am praying for her. I love her very much. It angers me what is happening to her. It seems like it is always the meek and mild people who get hurt the most. Am I supposed to be learning something? Is this a test for me? Am I ready for what may come? I don't know, but I do know it is all in God's hands. I must trust in Him and Him alone. crazy as it might sound, it gives me great peace to lay it down at His feet.

Chris Tomlin "I Will Rise"
There’s a peace I’ve come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There’s an anchor for my soul
I can say “It is well”

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

Chorus:
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles’ wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise


Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.



This is my life verse and I will lean on it for now.



Be Blessed,

K

For His Glory

Well I am not sure what to say today. I don't think I have every seen or knew so many people desperate for a way out. I feel like I am living in someone else's life. The energy around me , the world I once knew, the air I breath feels somehow different. It's not a good feeling. I am trying desperately to get things back the way they were but it's not happening. Maybe it never will be! I feel like the one thing constant in my life is God. I know I am putting too much faith in my husband. I am learning each day to lean on God more and more. Why do people want to go to such drastic measure to end the pain in their lives? Why do I ask that question? I know the answer because I have felt that way in the past. I know how I felt when I was a young teenager and wanted out. But I remember after taking such measure that I want to live also. Can we reach these people in time? Can we make a difference? We have the cure.....Why don't we share it.. What am I waiting for?

later,
K

To Live or not to Live..that is the question!

I am not sure what is happening.. When I think about life too long I get a little scared, but immediately I feel a great sense of peace. I know you may think I am a little crazy, but really I do. I'll tell you about that later. This past year has been a true test of my faith. See a lot of things happened that should have taken me down, but the most horrible one of all was that I lost my nephew because of lies from the devil. He killed himself and left a trail of destruction behind. I am writing this for anyone who even thinks about taking their life. There is much more to it than you even imagine. The truth about suicide! First, it does not hurt the one who took their life, their gone, it hurts all that are left behind. It is a ripple affect. Secondly, it is a selfish act with no regaurd to your mother, father, children, family and friends. I know that sounds harsh but it is the truth. Maybe things are a little to fresh for me right now, but I feel like I needed to say that. It has been a few months now and people are still hurting, feeling guilty, feeling angry, families are broken, marriages are affected, friendships are changed, children are feeling lost... it goes on and on. As soon as you slow down and allow your mind to wonder, you start that crazy old though pattern again. Why Mark? Why... I see your face and my eyebrows scrunch because I just cannot imagine you leaving this earth the way you did. I try to think about what you were thinking in the moment of you sadness. I will have to be honest with you, I was mad, mad as hell, and mad still. Sometimes I cry out and sometimes I stomp and yell. There are days when I come home and no one is there and I want to rake everything off the table just to hear it hit the floor and crash. Crazy huh! I want to hold you Mark and tell you all about Jesus, but I can't now. I can't, I can't I can't.... I just talk with someone who has a brother who tried the same thing last week and I told her that she is blessed to have a second chance. We don't have that! I'm sorry Mark.. I am so sorry.. I am so hurting down in side because I have the cure and did not persue you enough that you would come to me when you were hurting. I have the cure..... .....and did not use it. What a hard lesson to learn and beleive it or not I still have not learned it well enough. What does it take? How much will it take? How long will it take?

I can't think now.. my mind is racing..

K